Ok, so it’s Valentines day, Christmas day, her birthday, an anniversary or you’ve screwed up bad enough that flowers just aren’t going to cut it this time. Whether you’re trying to get out of the doghouse or just trying to win some points in the good book, lingerie is a perfect gift. Unlike flowers however, the cheapest one’s from Woolies that still look kind of decent aren’t going to cut it. There’s a lot more complexity than you could ever imagine and so I present to you:
A beginners guide to buying lingerie for gentleman, by a gentleman.
Ok so you know what that thing that covers the boobs is called right? It’s just a bra, right? Wrong. There’s nuance, there’s options, there’s choice! A blokes nightmare. So let us break it down.
A bralette is the softer, lighter friend of the bra. It has no underwire and therefore no support. If your girl is bigger in the breast department you may want to skip this option. These come in all manner of lacy variety and are soft to the touch. Consider buying this if you are new to a relationship. The bralette is unintimidating and not as overtly sexual as some of our later options, therefore the perfect first foray into the world of naughty nightwear.
The push up or balcony bra has padding and support to push the girls out front and on full display. If she’s on the smaller side, this can make her feel more confident, making it a good option for anyone with a C cup and below. These things are masters of deception and can accentuate even the smallest of busts.
These are a step up from the balcony bra. Plenty of padding means these will make her boobs look much bigger. Be warned however, she may not want to accentuate this if her breasts are already on the larger side.
You can’t go wrong with the classics. Underwire means that these bras are supportive and sturdy, just like a great boyfriend! This means they can be worn anywhere from family brunch to bedroom romps. However, don’t be fooled by their seeming simplicity. These do not have to be the boring option.
This is the big time. You know that useless feeling you get when you’ve been trying to take a bra off for over 5 seconds? Imagine that times 1000. The big leagues of bedroom-wear comes in all manner of shapes and sizes. Make sure you’re buying the full set though. You need the bustier and a pair of stockings. Anything less and you’re looking cheap and clueless. You probably are cheap and clueless, you’re a bloke, but that’s beside the point.
If you don’t know what she likes then picking a colour or design can be a tough decision. When in doubt, go for simple shades that look good on everybody. You can’t go wrong with black or white. If you’re looking to add a bit more colour to the mix then try a deep carnation red. The colour pops on paler skin and also sits subtly with darker complexions.
As for materials, you can’t go wrong with a nice soft lace. The fact that you’re reading this article means that the leather can come into play later cowboy.
So, you’ve sorted out the top half. You’re a bra expert, at least you think you are. Most men think they are. Now onto the fun stuff. The bottoms. Whether you’re an ass man, or just a smart enough to realise you should probably get your girl more than just a bra, here’s your guide to buying the best bottoms for your top girl.
Not just the boring option, believe me. More coverage means you can build some serious antici……pation. If you’re not sure if she’s comfortable with a skimpier style, the full brief is a safe choice. High waisted variants can make her feel comfortable whilst maintaining a sense of mystery. Different materials, higher cuts and degrees of opacity mean you can easily turn this classic into a raunchy regular in your bedroom.
Leaving little to the imagination, these are the bread and butter of naughty knickers. Cut with less material at the back than a brief, these leave little to the imagination. If you enjoy that “oh my god my girlfriend became a sexy pornstar” vibe, then the thong will leave you in good stead.
Just like your desire to tag along on a cocktail night with the gals, these are quite small. Don’t worry though, you’re not a cheap bastard or a creep for buying the least possible amount of fabric. Often confused with the thong, the G-string is the one with a small covering at the front and a literal string on the back and sides. Perfect for Valentine’s Day but less perfect as an “I’m sorry I forgot your mums name” gift, the G-string has a definite sexual undertone.
Speaking of sexual undertones... so I called the thong naughty before, and it is, to an extent. But what if it was crotchless? Now that’s naughty! Naughty knickers are the secret ingredient for a sexy relationship sauce. Easy access is taken to another level meaning that undercover forays into public foreplay get just that extra bit cheekier.
Click here now to put your newly acquired lingerie expertise to the test.
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