Mind-blowing sex isn’t about how long you can last or how far you can reach your legs over your head. True mind-blowing sex comes from an intentional practice of connection, presence and openness, it’s about how intouch you are with your needs and desires as well as your partner’s rather than perfecting a specific hand technique...bare with me.
My clients frequently ask me how to optimise their sex lives for more mind-blowing pleasure and when we work through the foundational skills they so often tell me they had expected to learn a few unattainable sex positions and didn’t realise the it could be so simple.
Here are seven practices that must be in place for your sex life to soar (make sure you read all the way to the end... the last three are the bomb).
It is vital to create the time and space for mind-blowing sex. Ditch the technology and lock out any distractions. In creating a conscious and deliberate intention to keep your bedroom for sleeping and pleasure, you will be more aware and in tune with the sensuality you create together.
It is so normal to have a lot on your mind and often these things creep into our thoughts while getting it on. It’s not easy but it is a skill you can practice. Acknowledge your thoughts without being attached to them, allow them to pass and bring your awareness to the sensations you’re feeling in your body. If you can’t shake the distractions, keep a notepad and pen next to your bed and scribble them down, you can always come back to them later. It is so important to prioritise pleasure and connection with your partner and it’s worth putting it high on your priority list.
Sex is mind-blowing when you can get out of your head and into your body. Take time to feel, see, smell, taste your partner and allow them to do the same for you. Slow down and appreciate every inch of their body, notice how they respond to your touch and you will wake up thousands of nerve endings.
Eye gazing is a great practice to start with. For a few breaths, stand so closely to your partner that you can feel the warmth of their body without physically touching them. Intend to sync your breath with theirs and when you can’t stand the distance any longer, kiss gently, firmly, passionately.
This sounds so simple as we do it unconsciously all day and night, connecting with your breath is key to mind-blowing, earth shattering pleasure. Breathing deeply will relax your body, prolong the experience, build anticipation and help you both experience more pleasure than you ever thought possible.
I know! It sounds too simple to be true, but practice intentionally for a week and then let’s talk. Breathe deep into your belly, relax your body, unclench your jaw and pelvis, move with your breath and intend to bring your awareness to the sexual pleasure you are receiving.
Not only can you give pleasure with your hands, but you can receive pleasure through your hands. Touch parts of your partners body that turns you on. What do you like to touch the most? Their bum, hips, breasts, hair, arms, stomach, feet or back? Explore their body with your hands, it may also feel good for them too!
Hands are so important. Intentional, considerate touch is fundamental to mind blowing sex supports you in feeling more connected.
The word foreplay completely undermines the value of first, second and third base. Our current narrative of sex begins with erection and ends in ejaculation. Along with this many believe that women climax from penetration alone. But only a minority can. Studies have found that when masturbating, 95 percent of women reach orgasm easily within four minutes!! They know how to make themselves feel good but this doesn’t translate to partnered sex. Foreplay is often the most pleasurable part of sex and is absolutely essential to build arousal in your body and feel intense pleasure.
Have sex that doesn’t just involve penetration and you will learn to be more creative and unlock pleasure potential that you didn’t know existed. It will help you get out of your head, become present and have sex that is about pleasure, not just penetration.
Sound is the neglected skill that so many people don’t tap into because it feels too vulnerable. Making sound supports your body to be uninhibited, become present and allows you to go deeper into sensation and pleasure. Sound is also a natural communication tool for you and your partner, many people feel it is deeply arousing to see and hear how turned on their partner is. You feel less inhibited, they feel sexier, win win!
Finding your voice can be challenging so allow for this to be awkward and clunky, practice is essential for this skill. It will also support you in communicating feedback so you can really explore the pleasure you want.
Sex isn’t sterile or clean. Sex = bodily fluids, smells, sounds ... sex is human! The more you can embrace your humanness and without judgment or fear of your partners humanness, the more pleasurable it will be. Get sweaty, bust out the massage oil or lube, get wet and make mess.
A good rule of thumb... if you aren’t throwing your sheets in the wash at least once a week then you might want to up your messy factor. There are many areas of your life you can aim to keep tidy... sex isn’t one of them. Afterall, when have you ever heard someone say after a sexy session “that was mind-blowingly clean!”
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