Sex toys used to be viewed as the domain of the deviant. These days, they’ve become as ubiquitous as going gluten-free and having wine on the weekend. If you’re in a traditional relationship, however, raising the topic can sometimes be challenging, especially if you aren’t sure where he or she stands.
If you aren’t getting what you deeply crave in the bedroom, though, you’re not the only one who will suffer. Your partner will sense that you aren’t a hundred percent engaged and this miscommunication could create a rift in your relationship, driving you even further apart.
To help you tackle the topic before boredom robs your bedroom of all passion, here are our top tips for introducing sex toys to your relationships. Utilize these suggestions to ensure that you and your partner feel safe, confident and comfortable with the seismic shift in pleasure you are both about to enjoy!
Talking about sex can be tricky - and nothing is more true than when you’re about to say, “that was great, but…” Pick a neutral time and location and ease into the discussion perhaps by asking first about what your partner likes, his or her fantasies, and then encouraging them to open up.
Bringing sex toys into a broken relationship won’t fix deeper problems of intimacy or a lack of communication. That said, it’s very important that you’re clear on your reasons for wanting to amp up your bedroom play using outside equipment. Have you been together a long time and are looking for a new source of spice? Or perhaps you’ve simply always been curious and feel confident that with this person you can become vulnerable enough to experiment? When presenting the topic, it’s important to state your reasoning so that your partner knows that this desire is coming from an interest in increasing the pleasure, fun, and intimacy you already feel and not because you’re disappointed.
We all know that egos can be a little bit frail. You might say all the right things and still, your partner may feel rejected. To avoid this, offer a lot of reassurance. Let him or her know that there is no one else you’d rather be sexually intimate with, and whether or not they want to try toys. Make sure that he or she knows that you’ve brought up the suggestion precisely because you’re so good together that you feel like the possibilities are endless in terms of how much pleasure you can both offer and receive.
If your partner knows very little about sex toys, he or she might be imagining handling a huge dildo or blowing up a creepy rubber doll. Do your research in order to offer clear suggestions for what you might like to try, and be sure to include items that will stimulate and pleasure your partner as well. Once you’ve read up on the topic, you’ll also be able to answer any questions and ease concerns and, as your partner grows more comfortable, you’ll be able to talk more openly about what intrigues him or her.
Thankfully, the internet now makes it much less awkward to shop for sex toys. Instead of donning a trench coat and dark glasses for a trip to the store, you can pull out your iPad. Once your partner has agreed to the idea, scroll through some product pages to open up the conversation even further.
But you never know: perhaps he or she will surprise you by eagerly slapping down their credit card to pick up the tab for your first foray into sex toy bliss.
Being able to talk about sex is a skill that can facilitate deeper intimacy in a relationship which will then help enrich and widen the pleasure of your sensual encounters. By following these suggestions, you will open the doors to tricky topics - and you might even find yourself following fantasy paths you never dreamed were possible!